HELMET A-B-C’S

BY PATRICK LAMBERT, A SLOOOOOW LEARNER*

The onset of helmets on the ski slopes over the last few years has been an interesting development around the country and fascinating to watch. Helmets are mostly ugly and add NOTHING to a person’s good looks. Helmet manufacturers have really tried to make their wares appear manly, sexy, cuddly and cute by adding color, aerodynamic shape, decals, endorsements, fins and bills. All to no avail. They compress one’s face, smoosh the hair, leave strap marks across the cheeks and over time start to smell. Finally, if you have one, you know they don’t compress well into one’s ski bag for traveling.

Moreover, helmets function as social inhibitors for anyone riding chair lifts. Trying to be politely social on the lift with strangers becomes more of a challenge. With a half inch of insulation under 1/8 inch of bullet proof Kevlar protecting one’s ears, the helmet experience requires the additional skill of lip reading. When the safety conscious skier or rider takes a break for lunch and they have enough self esteem to take the wet helmet off in public, there is no room on the lunch table to set the bulky chunk of plastic. The only place left to put it is on the floor where it gets kicked around by booted feet. When lunch is finished the helmets’ owner is lucky to find it still under the chair where it was put. Helmets should come with a “lunch leash” so it will stay put while we refuel. Nonetheless, there is more to the story.

 
As I skied under the chair at Timberline, the sun came out. It had just finished raining for several days on Mt. Hood. Consequently the snow was more than hard. There was a little pitch under one of the chair lifts that provided opportunity for some demonstration turns whenever a uniformed instructor wanted to show potential clients riding the chair what they too could look like if they took lessons. However, that same pitch could also provide equal opportunity for catching an edge, which could result in some unplanned aerials. Mine was apparently quite spectacular. It was the sudden stop on the back of my head that blew the demo. Stunned, sprawled paralyzed on my back, I hoped that feeling would sometime return to both hands and arms. It was during this recovery time when people hollered encouragement down from the chair; “awesome!”, “Nine point five!”, “duuuuuude!” and “do you need Ski Patrol?”. It was more than humbling. Feeling slowly returned to my extremities enough that I could gather up poles, gloves and goggles from the yard sale and gimp to the bottom of the hill. The terrific headache and twisted neck meant I was done for the day. I spent the rest of the afternoon looking for a chiropractor when the time would have been better spent looking for a neurologist.

By the time he was two he was on skis due to a ski fanatic father. Years later he took a hiatus from skiing and instructing to pursue other goals. He was just getting back into the sport when it happened. He and his dad stopped in the terrain park of a California ski area to chat for a moment. Then they both took off on the slight slope to finish their run. He popped a small 18 inch jump while his dad went around. The father glanced uphill for a moment then came around the bump to find the son crumpled up motionless on the hard snow. A small bloody spot on his temple and deep unconsciousness was the first clue that he was really hurt. The helpless feeling a parent can have while holding a badly injured child waiting for help is impossible to describe. He started to regained consciousness fifteen minutes later in the Ski Patrol’s sled but doesn’t remember any of the events of that day. He’s OK now after several brain scans and two surgeries to repair a shattered collarbone and four broken ribs. Joel’s my son.

Children skiing without helmets was the topic of conversation with the emergency room doctor while Joel was spending five hours at the hospital’s emergency room at the base of Big Bear Ski area. He asked if Joel was wearing a helmet when he fell since he was exhibiting brain trauma. I indicated no. He simply said that he sees at least one child fatality each ski season due to brain injury. What’s left to say about helmets?

Over the years lots of other experiences on the slopes come to mind that would justify wearing a helmet. How many does it take for a sloooooow learner? A, B and C. Three’s enough.

*Patrick Lambert has been skiing since the 1952 ski season…. instructing since the 1987 ski season….and helmeting since the 2004 ski season.